So You've Hit A Deer....*Reader Discretion, but SFW*

The last 24 hours have been far different than I had ever envisioned for my weekend...

I went out yesterday to see if I could exchange a coat for Eliza in a different size at JCP. Eliza did surprisingly well in the stroller with not being strapped in while Nolan sat in the backpack. Before heading back home from the mall, I sat and nursed Nolan. With a cooperative daughter in the car, I was praising her for her behavior. I had plans of putting a rotisserie chicken in the oven before Mr. G got back from taking a teen out for some guy time.

I have driven this route before countless times before. With the time change, it was dark already and it was wooded on each side of the road. Then out of no where, I catch a large patch of brown fur a foot away from my drivers side headlight.

I immediately hit the breaks and I see an oncoming car in the other lane having some interaction with my deer.

After skidding 30 feet, I look back to see that the kids are okay and get out of the car to see the tires smoking and my drivers side door hard to open. With kids still secured in car, I run over to the other vehicle where another truck had pulled up and called the authorities. The cars front end was smashed up with the windshield smashed through and car horn stuck on. It was dark and I thought that the driver was already out with the way the folks in the other car were acting. The passenger was out and very shaken up.

I then realized that there was a woman still in the car.

I was not prepared for what I was to see, and probably never will. There was significant head trauma and she was unconscious but gurgling and sort of twitching her head to the right. Blood was everywhere as the deer made impact on the front drivers side after becoming airborne from my car. I couldn't tell what was human tissue or the inside cavity matter of the deer, as their insides were hanging from inside the roof . Neither my car, nor the woman's Subaru/s airbags went off with how things were hit. No doubt, this newer Subaru sedan was totalled, let alone the interior being destroyed by the deer carcass. The rest of it had found a home in the side ditch.

I felt paralyzed in seeing that I was limited in what I could do to help but to go on facebook and send an urgent prayer request for a prayer chain. I couldn't help but wonder why the emergency crew wasn't acting in a more urgent matter. Then it hit me....she was dead on the scene.

Mr. G wasn't too far away from the accident and came over to stay with the kids while I gave a report to the sheriff and give insurance and registration information. The kids were seen in the ambulance. The photographer in me couldn't help but snap a few pictures with the cell phone since this was certainly not the norm for the kids.

Nolan thought being in there was a lot of fun. Eliza showed concern for me while they were checking my vitals as the adrenalin started to wear off. I had to assure her that they were helping mommy with her boo boos.

Because I was complaining of some numbness in some extremities and abdominal pain, they took me to an area hospital where I was given a CT Scan and x-rays of my back. All came back normal and the Dr. said I will probably sustain some whiplash.

Damage is looking around $5000-6000. I pray they do not total this car we've only had for about 6 months. We are down to our Sable sedan and it is uncertain if we can afford a rental car even with insurance coverage.

Our lives were spared in this freak accident, and I don't know anything else about this woman other than her name. I don't know why God used me in involving the ending of this woman's life. I don't know exactly how to feel about this and feel guilty when I try and use humor about my experience. Do I even try and go to a possible funeral 

How do I feel?

I don't know.