Tuesday, November 26, 2013


This last week, we returned the rental car and made a decision on a new (to us) car. It was critical that we get something to replace the van with our family size and cargo needs. This is why I loved our van so much. Even Eliza would squeal in delight when her eyes captured our van in the parking lot.

We've marked a new chapter in our life with this new vehicle and all the bells & whistles our previous did not have, but higher miliage and 2 years older. I am happy, but at the same time it still feels surreal and almost like a dream. In a way, feels creep in of feeling like I should not enjoy this car because of the series of events it was obtained by.

We were blessed with getting more than expected on the car from the insurance company, which allowed us to pay of the rest of the loan and leaving us with a down payment for the newer. The loan balance is a good amount lower than the previous loan balance left.

I know God is good, but sometimes I don't feel like I deserve His kindness.

Sunday, November 17, 2013


We have a crawler AND a puller-up-er! This all kinda happened within just a few days of each other. Nolan would drag himself, but mostly stay in the confines of the family room. But now...now he all of a sudden decided to venture all the way into our bedroom!

It doesn't matter what the item is, he'll climb up on it, including his sister. All toys are fair game and Eliza now has to guard things she once could play without competition 

The above picture was taken on the nanny cam, which mommy then had to interrupt bed time to drop a crib, oh joy! Now the night time standoff goes into extra innings. I will give him credit though for stubbornness persistence. 

Photo: This is how he fell asleep after FINALLY accepting defeat of night night.
Finally accepting defeat and falling asleep like this

I will leave you with this shot taken tonight..."you've almost got the right idea kid"

Friday, November 15, 2013

The Ripple

Wednesday was a busy day for sure...

After work, Mr. G and I headed down after work to the funeral parlor for the calling hours. It was a weird feeling, to go into one of these...almost like inviting yourself to a party you never formally received an invite to, walking into a room where you didn't know anyone, but for a brief moment with the departed.

I had been mentally preparing myself for an open casket. It wasn't until I moved to the east coast that the term "calling hours" became a part of my vocabulary. When we entered the room, there were chairs set up as if for a funeral, picture boards, faces of people I didn't know....and a closed casket with an American flag folded up.

I found myself faced with not knowing what to do with myself. If awkward introductions of, "Hi, I was the other driver" weren't bad enough, I was still coming off of last nights tidal wave. With Mr. G helping break the ice with the woman's family, I met with the passenger who walked away from the other car. He was actually her boyfriend, who had just gotten back from China to spend the Thanksgiving break with her. He had just gotten back the day before, only to unknowingly spend a precious 24 hours with a woman he loved.
It was some relief that the family did not hold any bitter feelings towards me and that my kids were alive and safe in a wrong place at the wrong time incident.

We left the funeral parlor and then headed to where the van was being stored. It was being totalled and we had to go clean it out or our belongings. Something I only owned but 6 months and what felt took forever in the buying process.

I sat in the driver's seat, closed the door and just balled. It felt like I was laying to rest a member of the family....taken away beyond my control.The temperature that day hadn't moved above freezing that day, and my body had felt it all day as I paid my last respects to our car filled with misc papers and kid stuff.

I know it was just a car, but it was having a freedom of space that we hadn't had before, and not since my childhood Toyota Previa had bitten the dust.

Now, now the healing process has started I think. Tomorrow will be 1 week since the accident.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

The Wave

If you've ever been to the ocean and watch the tides roll in, you'll notice something. The water will be pulled back to gain its power and force. Then it rolls forward...fierce....powerful....unbiased in who or what it takes with it or on.

It was my first day back to work since the accident and I was trying to go on like business as usual when a boy comes up to me in casual.

Boy: Did you know my mom's aunt died....she was hit by a deer.
Me: I know
Boy: You do?
Me: Because I was the other driver.
Boy: Oh (walks away)

Interestingly enough, it was the boy's mother who picked them up that evening, which she hardly ever does and it's just dad. I spoke to her and recalled the events I witnessed. It really is a small world.

After I returned home, Mr. G informs me that state law will total a vehicle if it is 75/80% worth of damage to what the vehicle is worth. And we are so very borderline that although it is not official, it is likely going to happen. This was what pushed me over the edge. Although there was silent weeping...tears. Tears flowed in abundance into my pillow.

Things had been quite bad financially for us before, but this didn't help slow the bleeding. We hadn't had the van but a meer 6 months. It was a glorious blessing to have room for the kids car seats and also luggage when visiting grandparents. I loved to sit higher up once again. It wasn't a van with all the bells and whistles like many on the road, but it was our van. Even Eliza would shout in happiness, "My van, my van" when ever we came up on it outside the house or parking lot.

This evening, I will go to the calling hours in order to gain a new visual of this woman and the life they are celebrating tomorrow at her graveside. Then we have to go and clean out the van in anticipation of what will probably be likely.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

So You've Hit A Deer....*Reader Discretion, but SFW*

The last 24 hours have been far different than I had ever envisioned for my weekend...

I went out yesterday to see if I could exchange a coat for Eliza in a different size at JCP. Eliza did surprisingly well in the stroller with not being strapped in while Nolan sat in the backpack. Before heading back home from the mall, I sat and nursed Nolan. With a cooperative daughter in the car, I was praising her for her behavior. I had plans of putting a rotisserie chicken in the oven before Mr. G got back from taking a teen out for some guy time.

I have driven this route before countless times before. With the time change, it was dark already and it was wooded on each side of the road. Then out of no where, I catch a large patch of brown fur a foot away from my drivers side headlight.

I immediately hit the breaks and I see an oncoming car in the other lane having some interaction with my deer.

After skidding 30 feet, I look back to see that the kids are okay and get out of the car to see the tires smoking and my drivers side door hard to open. With kids still secured in car, I run over to the other vehicle where another truck had pulled up and called the authorities. The cars front end was smashed up with the windshield smashed through and car horn stuck on. It was dark and I thought that the driver was already out with the way the folks in the other car were acting. The passenger was out and very shaken up.

I then realized that there was a woman still in the car.

I was not prepared for what I was to see, and probably never will. There was significant head trauma and she was unconscious but gurgling and sort of twitching her head to the right. Blood was everywhere as the deer made impact on the front drivers side after becoming airborne from my car. I couldn't tell what was human tissue or the inside cavity matter of the deer, as their insides were hanging from inside the roof . Neither my car, nor the woman's Subaru/s airbags went off with how things were hit. No doubt, this newer Subaru sedan was totalled, let alone the interior being destroyed by the deer carcass. The rest of it had found a home in the side ditch.

I felt paralyzed in seeing that I was limited in what I could do to help but to go on facebook and send an urgent prayer request for a prayer chain. I couldn't help but wonder why the emergency crew wasn't acting in a more urgent matter. Then it hit me....she was dead on the scene.

Mr. G wasn't too far away from the accident and came over to stay with the kids while I gave a report to the sheriff and give insurance and registration information. The kids were seen in the ambulance. The photographer in me couldn't help but snap a few pictures with the cell phone since this was certainly not the norm for the kids.

Nolan thought being in there was a lot of fun. Eliza showed concern for me while they were checking my vitals as the adrenalin started to wear off. I had to assure her that they were helping mommy with her boo boos.

Because I was complaining of some numbness in some extremities and abdominal pain, they took me to an area hospital where I was given a CT Scan and x-rays of my back. All came back normal and the Dr. said I will probably sustain some whiplash.

Damage is looking around $5000-6000. I pray they do not total this car we've only had for about 6 months. We are down to our Sable sedan and it is uncertain if we can afford a rental car even with insurance coverage.

Our lives were spared in this freak accident, and I don't know anything else about this woman other than her name. I don't know why God used me in involving the ending of this woman's life. I don't know exactly how to feel about this and feel guilty when I try and use humor about my experience. Do I even try and go to a possible funeral 

How do I feel?

I don't know.


Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Teeth, Teeth and More!

Nolan had another well baby appointment today. And as I suspected, he hadn't gained much weight in two months. Not even a full pound. When talking to the pediatrician, she wasn't worried since he grew over all.

Weight: 19.3 (25th percentile)
Height: 28.25 inches (46th)
Head: 46.5 cm (80th)

He is quite different from his sister on the head size as they were concerned about her peanut size.

Now, albeit one month older, this is where Eliza stood at 10 months.....weight: 17.6 lbs. 13th %, Height 28.25 54th % and head was 5th %

As far as teeth go, Eliza had 7 by the time she was 10 months. Nolan has a whopping EIGHT teeth for 9 months. Eeek! 2 on the top and one on the bottom, unless a few more are about to show up.

Mobility is still by dragging his stomach and legs across the floor, and not even army style either. Or he'll lift up in a pushup position to pull forward. My kids have both been quite unique, but very different in gross motor skills.

Most clothing is a mix of 9-12 months. Coats are 18 months to ensure we make it through the winter and early spring. I rather use the clothes longer and let him grow into them than spending money on short lived sizes. Some 3-6 mo could fit, but are the wrong season or the length of sleepers is too short.

I wonder what 12 months will hold!

Tuesday, November 5, 2013


Here are some recent status gems as of late from the old facebook page...


Nolan must be spending time around Eliza's art station because this morning, he gave me a sparkling glitter poopy diaper!


I am sorry to the town of Rome. If you find a baking sheet on Chestnut or Hill that.....that was mine, compliments of my distraction while loading the kids in the car.

Even when nolan had a 101.7 temp and croup  he could still crack a smile and charm the hospital staff. But this momma is tired after getting home after 5 am and a long previous night of no sleep, temperatures spiked and treatment for mastitis prior that day. Earned a new parenting merit badge for sure!


In a marriage, some people are the sail and others are the wind!

*I am still undecided if the Bitstrips are going to stay or not. For some reason I can't seem to be able to edit the bottom caption in them, or the servers are overloaded and comics don't load on the app.