If you've ever been to the ocean and watch the tides roll in, you'll notice something. The water will be pulled back to gain its power and force. Then it rolls forward...fierce....powerful....unbiased in who or what it takes with it or on.
It was my first day back to work since the accident and I was trying to go on like business as usual when a boy comes up to me in casual.
Boy: Did you know my mom's aunt died....she was hit by a deer.
Me: I know
Boy: You do?
Me: Because I was the other driver.
Boy: Oh (walks away)
Interestingly enough, it was the boy's mother who picked them up that evening, which she hardly ever does and it's just dad. I spoke to her and recalled the events I witnessed. It really is a small world.
After I returned home, Mr. G informs me that state law will total a vehicle if it is 75/80% worth of damage to what the vehicle is worth. And we are so very borderline that although it is not official, it is likely going to happen. This was what pushed me over the edge. Although there was silent weeping...tears. Tears flowed in abundance into my pillow.
Things had been quite bad financially for us before, but this didn't help slow the bleeding. We hadn't had the van but a meer 6 months. It was a glorious blessing to have room for the kids car seats and also luggage when visiting grandparents. I loved to sit higher up once again. It wasn't a van with all the bells and whistles like many on the road, but it was our van. Even Eliza would shout in happiness, "My van, my van" when ever we came up on it outside the house or parking lot.
This evening, I will go to the calling hours in order to gain a new visual of this woman and the life they are celebrating tomorrow at her graveside. Then we have to go and clean out the van in anticipation of what will probably be likely.